i feel broken, and the only way to feel less broken is to break myself more
when friend’s parents pay for your food and you have to pretend you don’t want them to
replace friend with boyfriend and you have my life on awkward “lunch with the parents” days.
my talents include stress eating and falling in love with people that will never love me back
Reblog if you feel like you ate too much today. I want to see how many people are struggling.
i hate that “LOL SO IF WOMEN ARE EQUAL CAN I PUNCH YOU” shit bc 1 in 3 women are abused
y’all are already punching us
the issue is that we’d like you to stop
I just finished a kettlebell class and a trx class back to back.
I cried again, but managed to continue.
I don’t understand, I’m just fatiguing, it doesn’t hurt, so why am I crying?
Someone in the group has lost 8kg in fat in the last 2.5 weeks. It isn’t me.
I’m lucky if I lost 4kg of fat, I’ve definitely lost some muscle.
I need to push harder.
I have a hike tomorrow, so I’m going to fast today. Black coffee and green tea only.
I’ll go back to the gym tonight and try to do the elliptical for another 500kcal. My ass is literally trembling though.
Tomorrows hike will be about 2700kcal. I’m hoping to get away with just eating two handfuls of almonds. I’d like to fast tomorrow, but I think I’ll get treated weirdly by the other people in my hiking group.
I’m hoping I’ll be able to get away with eating one almond at a time and acting like I’m eating handfuls of trail mix. Then when lunch comes I can just say I’m a grazer (being vegan does have it’s upsides when you’re doing weird food things, people just assume you’ll be weird).
Then over today and tomorrow I should burn about 7000 kcal of energy. Which is one kilo of body fat. How did that person burn eight?
I’m going to lose muscle as well, which will just make the gym harder in the long run.
It isn’t fair.
Awful day. I woke up feeling good, but skipped breakfast because I slept in. Then ate chocolate instead of lunch. Ok, should really have eaten lunch but I’ve been relatively healthy lately. Then ate half a bag of corn chips and hummus instead of dinner. Why? I’m an idiot.
Then went to do a gym class, figured I could end the day on a positive note. Couldn’t do the moves where I had to hold up my body up (plank type moves), went from irritated with myself, to uncontrollable eye leaking, to sobbing to uncontrollable hyperventilation. Ran from the class, knocked someone over, hid in the toilets for the 20 minutes it took to stop hyperventilating. It felt like a panic attack, but I wasn’t anywhere near upset enough to have one. I’m guessing the exercise combined with the irritation somehow triggered it, but I don’t understand.
Drove to the shops. Ate a large fries and two burritos and had two glasses of wine. Just ridiculously binge ate. Licking my hands binge eating. It’s just lucky I only had 20 dollars. People were looking at this unusual fat girl with green hair in gym clothes, covered in sweat crying and powering through food like nobodies business.
I’m a mess. Maybe I’m pushing myself too hard.